The Aroostook War: A Musical

by dblfstudios

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about

A few words concerning Aroostook: The Musical
In previous years, we have reveled in the infinite magic and entertainment of student song poems that my capacity at Roane County High School affords. However, that capacity changed for this school year. Professionally, it was a welcome change, but it threatened the future of song poems. There was no small amount of concern within the DBLF community.

No small amount.

In November, I was lecturing about the boundless joy of 1830’s America, and quite accidentally sparked my AP class’ interest in a little known border dispute; the Aroostook War. I absently commented that the series of events sure sounded like it would make a swell musical. The class agreed. In an instant I realized that a student written musical had the potential to be the most awesomely amazing thing in the entirety of human existence. The class did a story arch, and each student selected a plot point as a song topic. Once they wrote their respective songs, we spent a day revising and including some thematic ideas, agreed that it should be a historical romantic comedy, and then submitted it straight to the DBLF community.

Boy were they surprised.

Predictably, the good folks at DBLF immediately picked up on the Aroostookiness of the project, and hilarity ensued. Sure, it’s not song poems, but I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a musical project as much as this, and to my ears at least, that fun is palpable on each and every track. Even though former President Martin Van Buren is more than likely turning summersaults in his grave, we think this is out proudest product yet. We hope you agree.

Bill Ardison

credits

released 06 July 2015

All music arranged by Doug Campbell, John Baker, Gray Comer, Brett Winston, and Bill Ardison.

All music and voices performed by the DBLF Players:
Alan Almonrode
Bill Ardison
John Baker
Leslie Baker
Stephanie Barthold
Cailen Campbell
Doug Campbell
Twila Campbell
Jackie Cameron
Gray Comer
Knathan Halliburton
Andy Morris
Bo Ratliff
Steve Smith
Jason Thompson
Anika Toro
Brett Winston

tags

license

all rights reserved

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: Canadian Lumberjacks
We swing and we chop
The poplars we drop
We’re breaking our backs for some wood
We work with our hands
Meet shipments as planned
We’re French Canadian, oh yes!
We’re better than all of
Those fat lazy Yankees
That call themselves lumberJacks too
We’ll struggle and push
And beat back the bush
To log all of Aroostook
Track Name: American Lumberjacks
Chop ‘em down, drag ‘em out
float ‘em down the river
One last swing then sound the shout
Hear timber! And we’re running
These perfumed French are not real men
They’re girly girls you see
We’ll see their tulip, raise them pine and
Promptly take the trees

Am. Lmbrjk 1: I must ask, why do we hate the Canadians so much? They are annoying, but imagine if we would eat French food every day! It’s so much better than this slop we get, surely that its worth befriending them.

Am Lmbrjks:
your foolish question betrays the fact
You think we’re dogs
The only thing we do with French is
Beat them at their game
And once we beat these dumberjacks
Halifax...will be Maine

<<approval>>
Eaton: Ho! Lumberjacks!
Am. Lmbrjks: <<Mr. Eaton!>> <<Hello Mr. Eaton>> <<It’s Mr. Eaton>> <<etc.>>
Eaton: Be on the lookout for Canadians; these woods are crawling with them.
Am. Lmbrjks: <<yes sir Mr. Eaton>> <<can do Mr. Eaton>> <<etc.>> Eaton:Come along, Miriam.
Miriam: Yes father.
Track Name: Miriam
Pasqual: The most beautiful girl I’ve ever saw
Perfect lumberjack daughter, Miriam
I just can’t look away...
And suddenly she turns
And life will never be the same
How wonderful her hair
How green are her eyes
My life is paused in time
This is the most wonderful
Day of my life
Should I talk to her
Should I stay, should
I just turn away?
So many questions to say...
Sadly, I have to go away
But I’ll never stop saying, Miriam!
Track Name: Action 7 News
Announcer: Tonight, on Action Seven News
News Person 1: Continuing coverage on the 1837 economic crisis that looks like it might turn into a full blown panic...
News Person 2: The update on Pontiac’s recall of their latest carriage, and the defective feed bag scandal that has rocked the horse drawn industry. News Person 3: The latest sports scores dueling results, as well as what the Farmer’s Almanac guesses for tomorrow’s weather.
News Person 1: Bur first, a lumberjack feud in the frozen north has sabers a-rattling between these United States and Canada. We take you live to White House correspondent Isiah Boureguarde, Isiah?
Isiah: Guys, it’s been a little over an hour since the president announced that a series of lumberjack incidents have happened in the contested Aroostook region, saying only...
<<press conference>>
Van Buren: Guys, everything is fine. I’ll get Daniel Webster on this; he’ll straighten everything out.
<<relief>>
Isiah: With that, the president has returned to the White House library. All we can do now is hope and pray that no star crossed lovers complicate this tense situation. Back to you Charles...
Track Name: Danny, Can I Have A Word With You?
Pres. Van Buren:
Danny! Danny!
Scramble, hurry fast!
I must have a word with you, this conflict cannot last!
Choir:
Hurry Daniel! Hurry Daniel! Van Buren needs you fast
Librarian: Shhhhhhh!!!

Pres. Van Buren: These hairy mindless lumberjacks are going to give me trouble! <<quieter now>>
They are going for each other’s trees and giving them a rumble!
Choir:
Lumberjacks! Lumberjacks! Please go get them off my backs!
Librarian: Shhhhhhh!!!

Daniel Webster:
What am I, a man of words, supposed to do with that? <<quieter now>>
I have no chance against these bears, I’m afraid of my own cat!
Choir:
Scared of cats! Scared of cats! Will be no help up at the pass!
1st Choir Mem.:
That’s probably why he made the dictionary
2nd Choir Mem.:
He was too scared to go outside so he just wrote down words!
Webster: That wasn’t me!!
Librarian: Shhhhhhh!!!

Pres. Van Buren: I need you Danny...to make a treaty <<quieter now>> To define a border, and don’t be greedy
Hurry fast! Meet the Canucks!
Then you may return to writing your books.
The North is my...Maine...problem first!
Webster: THAT IS NOT ME!!
I will go and make a treaty!
I will not fail! My country needs me!

Choir: To victory! To victory! Danny will save the North today!
Librarian: Shhhhhhhh!!!
Track Name: Lumberjack Interlude 1
Cn. Lmbrjk 1: Great job being lumberjacks today boys!
<<approval>>
Hey, anyone seen Pasqual?
It’s time for dinner.
Cn. Lmbrjk 2: Ah, I thought he was with you.
Cn. Lmbrjk 3: He’s going to miss out on all the pork and beans! <<comradery>> <<they leave>>
Track Name: Forbidden Love
Miriam:
My love for you grows every day
Our love inspires the world to grow
Every day our love grows stronger
Until our love is forbidden no longer
Pasqual:
Sitting in the back of your daddy’s wagon
Travelling to come meet me in secret
Our love hidden from the judgment of your father
Every day our love grows stronger
Together:
Without the approval of others
Our love has become forbidden
Every day our love grows stronger
Looking at you now I realize there is nothing
That could keep us apart

Miriam:
We...we have to tell my father
Pasqual:
um...
Track Name: I Wish I Didn't Care
<crowd noises, a carriage approaches>>
<<a man opens the door to Daniel Webster’s carriage. Webster nobly exits and puts on his hat>>
Man:
Welcome to Maine, Mr. Webster, it’s an honor to have you sir.
Webster:
Well thank you young man, but it is with my friends I must confer There is no time to waste! I must be on my way!
Man:
Oh, yes of course, but before you go, there is something I must say. Webster:
Alright my boy, spit it out, we must not delay.
Man:
What does the word “pulchritudinous” mean?
Webster:
...why would you ask me a question like that?
Man:
Well, you wrote the dictionary didn’t you?
That’s gotta count for something.
Webster:
<<sigh>> ...No, I didn’t write the dictionary.
Man:
Webster’s Dictionary?
Everyone in town has one!
Webster:
There’s more than one person in the world with the same last name as I do! Man:
Well that’s just pulchritudinous of you!
Webster:
That’s beautiful of me?
Because that’s what it means, beautiful.
I’ll just take that as a compliment
And be on my way.
Jeeez. Let me through...
Man:
See?! It IS Noah Webster!
Hurray! Crowd: <<approval>>
Webster:
No sir, I’m not, and even if I was, ain’t ain’t in my book.
Chorus:
It’s Noah Webster, make way!
He wrote the dictionary
Webster:
<<to self>> so they say
Chorus:
He’s a very wise man
America’s master of vocabulary
Webster:
Well, Senator, actually
Chorus:
Webster’s come to settle this
With words not fists
Webster:
What do they think I’ll do?
Throw the dictionary at those villains?
Old Coot:
He’ll throw his giant book at their heads and kill ‘em!
<<record scratch>>
Webster:
We’re not doing that.
Please leave.
<<Old Coot, dejected, slinks away>>
Webster:
Everywhere I go it’s the same old thing
Everyone confuses me
with a contemporary fling
Everyone has the literature
That never had me in the picture
I’ve never even met this guy
Whom over the years
I’ve come to despise
Chorus:
Noah has bright blue eyes and kept his hair
While Daniel looks in need of some fresh air
With quite the mean expression
From his spiraling depression
Daniel wishes he didn’t care
Webster:
I’m the best senator Massachusetts ever had
Yet even when I’m there
It’s really pretty bad
My family can’t remember
If I’m Danny or Noah
Which makes me Krakatoa
Even more if it’s my mother
Asking me to sign a book
I didn’t even write
Gives me something to make me
Stay up late all night
His vocabulary- genius!
Makes me question half my genus
For wondering how much time
I took in the library
Chorus:
The battle of the Websters
Is even bigger than the beans
Even without a bear
Daniel wishes it was a dream
With quite the mean expression
From his spiraling depression
Daniel wishes he didn’t care
Circumlocution!
Webster:
long windedness
Chorus:
Skirmish!
Webster:
Minor battle
Chorus:
Apocryphal
Webster:
doubtful origin
It wouldn’t be so bad
If I didn’t know the words
And was somewhat of a grammar Nazi
Like a total nerd
Maybe being wrongfully admired
Isn’t much of a coup
And maybe Noah’s being mistaken
For a senator too
I think it’s about time
I soak up my dues Chorus:
His spiraling depression
Turned into new obsession
Being happy and adored
Continued with ceaseless secession
With quite a nice smile
Every once in a while
Daniel Webster began the mile
Toward the logging camp...
Track Name: Love Of My Life
Miriam:
I hope he sees the you I see
<<to Pasqual>>
The one who makes my heart beat
The one that will never flee
The one who is meant for me
I hope he looks past your name
And your status doesn’t fill him with shame
Discovering the true you
The one who is meant for me
Showing the fates there mistake
In making you the one he hates
Feels like I’m finally living
Forgetting who I was
Eaton:
Miriam!
<<to Eaton>> Oh father...
He’s the one I love
The one innocent as a dove
Wishing you’d accept
I lay here dreaming
Wondering what to believe
He’s the one I want
The love of my life
The one who is meant for me
The love of my life
Eaton:
I forbid it!
Miriam:
But, Father...
Eaton:
No!!
Track Name: Webster And Ashburton
Ashburton:
Ah, Mister Webster!
A pleasure to meet you.
Lord Ashburton, at your service sir.
Webster:
The pleasure is mine, and thank you for meeting on such short notice. And before we get underway
Let me take the time to say...
Any treaty you negotiate
I can negotiate better
Ashburton:
I can negotiate any treaty
Better than you
Webster:
No you can’t
Ashburton:
Yes I can
Webster: No you can’t
Ashburton:
Yes I can
Yes I can!
Webster:
Any politics you can do
I can do better
Ashburton:
I can do any business
better than you
Webster:
No you can’t
Ashburton:
Yes I can
Webster:
No you can’t
Ashburton:
Yes I can
Yes I can!
Webster:
I say Maine gets more land!
Ashburton:
I say New Brunswick gets more land!
Webster:
I say no!
Ashburton:
I say Yes!
Webster:
No!
Ashburton:
Yes!
Webster:
Any speech you can give
I can give better
Ashburton:
I can write any dictionary
Better than you
<<music stops>>
Webster:
I’m not that Webster!
Ashburton:
Really?
Webster:
Yes, why does everybody...nevermind.
Where were we?

<<music resumes>>
Webster:
Any compromise you can make, I can make better
Ashburton:
I can make any compromise
Better than you
Webster:
No you can’t
Ashburton:
Yes I can
Webster:
No!
Ashburton:
Yes!
Webster:
Prove it!
Ashburton:
I will!
Track Name: Baby Please Don't Go Lumberjacking Today
Miriam:
I have a bad feeling
About letting you leave
Something awful will happen
Don’t go away, please
It breaks my heart
Every time you go away
Baby, please don’t go
A-lumberjackin’ today
Baby, take off your jacket
There’s no need for you to wear it
For if something ever happened to you
You know I couldn’t bear it
You cut down the trees
And make all the money
But listen to me now
And stay inside, honey
You know it breaks my heart
Every time you go away
So baby please don’t go
A-lumberjackin’ today

Pasqual
Look, I’m just going to go and cut down trees for a couple of hours with the guys...
Miriam
Remember last week when you said that? You ended up in Nova Scotia! Pasqual
Miriam...
Miriam
Look, dinner’s almost ready, we’ve got a good thing going here.
Pasqual
What about my lumberjack friends?
What about your father?
Oh, don’t you see Miriam?
My love, sprung of my only hate!
Miriam
Too early seen unknown!
And known too late!
Pasqual
I’m a lumberjack Miriam, I have to go a-lumberjacking...if you love me...you’ll understand.
Miriam
Pasqual!!
Track Name: The Battle Of Caribou
Cn. Lumberjacks:
Another day at work
we sing our lumberjack songs
and chop down tree to tree all day
chop, chop, chop, chop choppin down our trees
Eaton:
What are they doing?
they’re stealing resources from our land!
Hey, you what do you think you’re doing?!
Cn. Lumberjacks:
Us? We’re chopping down trees
we’re lumberjacks, you know.
Oh wait... you probably don’t know!
(laughter)
Eaton:
We do... You’re dumb rude uneducated lumberjacks.
You come on OUR land nosily singing dumb tunes
and take OUR trees...
Cn. Lumberjacks:
this isn’t your land go back to where you
Came from now
Eaton:
I defeated the Barbary Pirates
and won this land you fools!
This will never be your hillbilly workers’ land
Pasqual:
No OUR beautiful pines are on OUR land,
we’ll continue to work as we please.
C’mon guys, do you wanna chop some trees
down?
Come on let’s go and work
We won’t acknowledge them anymore
Get out your tools we’ll sing and work all day
Eaton:
Don’t worry, we’ll get our land back
And show those dumb hillbilly lumberjacks!

<<crowd noises>> <<ding ding ding>>
Announcer 1:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Lumberjack Wrestling Federation’s Lumberjack Smackdown!
Announcer 2:
These Canadians have been all up in the American’s grill, so its time to see if those Yanks do more than just saw logs and talk tough! Whoo! Announcer 1:
The Canadians mean business.
They brought their axes!
They brought their saws!
They brought some
baguettes and a mime!
Announcer 2:
The Americans are puffing up their chests, and it looks like at least one of them is ripping off his shirt convincingly. He’s wielding a folding chair and a box of thumbtacks...
Announcer 1:
The Canadians are responding- several have picked up hockey sticks and...yes, the mime looks like he is no longer trapped in a box, and the invisible rope he tied to the Americans is pulling him in their direction! They are looking a bit confused and uncomfortable in a way only a mime can create!
Announcer 2:
This might get ugly for the Americans...but wait! What’s this? It’s, yes! It’s a cute little bear cub that’s come bounding out of the woods! Announcer 1: That is simply adorable, and the Canadians are clearly unnerved by this awesome display of cuteness!
Track Name: Hey New Friend, Let's Play
Bear Cub:
Hey new friend, let’s play!
Let’s be in the sun, and run all day
We can play, “The Floor is Lava,”
You go first, I’ll be the lava!
Or we could play “King of the Mountain”
I may not be king of the jungle
But I rule this here forest
Whether we play “Ring Around the Rosie”
Or we play “London Bridge”
You’re going down, and I will win!
Pasqual:
How about we play “Fetch?”
Bear Cub:
Fetch? I’m not a dog!
Red rover, red rover
Bring the supper right over!
We could play “Ghost in the Graveyard”
You’d be the ghost, ‘cuz your life is over
Better yet, let’s play...tag
Mo-om...you’re IT
Track Name: Death To You All
Mama Bear
Flash of my teeth at the nearest man
Stay away from my cub, I’m not your biggest fan
And now I have you by the throat
Honey I ain’t just a pretty coat
Mama bear roars full of rage
Pasqual:
This is soooo not worth my wage!
Mama Bear:
Mama she bear makes you howl
And my bite’s just as bad as my growl
Death to you all
Death to you all
Mama bear bellows again and again
Strike fear in the hearts of these men
And now I have you by the throat
Honey I ain’t just a pretty coat
Mama she bear makes you howl
And my bite’s just as bad as my growl
Death to you all
Death to you all
Track Name: Lumberjack Interlude 2
<<gunshots, chaos>>
Am. Lmbrjk 1:
uh...sounds like those Canadians have gone and lost their minds...
Eaton :
Quick! You hold them here and I’ll go back and get the state militia!
Am. Lmbrjk 1:
OK, sounds gr...wait a minute...
Am, Lmbrjk 3:
Why don’t we all go get the state militia?
Am. Lmbrjk 2:
Why don’t we ALL go get the state militia?
<<they flee>>
Cn. Lmbrjk 1:
The bear is dead!
Cn. Lmbrjk 3:
Pasqual is hurt...bad!
Cn. Lmbrjk 1:
Pasqual, mon ami, can you hear me?
Track Name: Mauled Pasqual
Pasqual
While chopping down some trees one day
I saw a baby bear
I wanted it to go away
But it didn’t seem to care
I pulled my gun to fire a shot
And scare the bear away
I remembered then what I’d forgot
Much to my dismay
Chorus
When you see a baby bear
You are never in the clear
You have to keep in mind
That Mama Bear is always near
Pasqual
She appeared out of nowhere
And attacked me with fierce claws
I knew I was a goner
When my neck was in her jaws
...tell Miriam, gasp, I love her...
Track Name: Lumberjack Reprise
<<he passes out>>
Cn. Lmbrjk 1:
Let’s get Pasqual out of here.
Cn. Lmbrjk 2:
We could take him up there by the Dave and Buster’s
Cn. Lmbrjk 3:
Oh yeah, that’s good- I got hockey at six and that’s right by there.
Cn. Lmbrjk 1:
He needs a doctor!
We’ll take him to that place where Lord Ashburton is meeting that dictionary guy,there’s bound to be a surgeon with such dignitaries! And somebody go tell Miriam!
Track Name: March Of The Militia
The Militia:
A warning to the British
The good and the evil
This is war
To the captain, the infantry
The Canadian, the lumberjacks
This is war
To the North, from the South
We will fight for our land
To the edge of the states
It’s a whole new fight
From Texas to Maine
To the North, from the South
We will fight for our land
To the edge of the states
It’s a whole new fight
It’s a whole new fight

A warning to the private
The crier, the preacher
This is war
To the leader, to the senator
The British, the French
This is war
To the North, from the South
We will fight for our land
To the edge of the states
It’s a whole new fight
From Texas to Maine
To the North, from the South
We will fight for our land
To the edge of the states
It’s a whole new fight
It’s a whole new fight
It’s a whole new fight
A whole new fight
‘til the war is won
‘til the war is won
A whole new fight
Track Name: When They Shake
Chorus
When they shake
Yes! When they shake
Oh when they shake hands on the deal
The border will
It will be settled
Yes when they shake hands on the deal
Ashburton:
Now see hear chap, we are reasonable men
So hear what I put forth
That a border on the St. John River
Is clearly too far north
In our last war we bequeathed land
And we grant you what you took
But a permanent border should be confirmed
Along the Aroostook
Webster:
The Aroostook?
Are you for real?
Did that just come out of your mouth?
That cuts too deep into our homeland
And is clearly too far south
Now what I propose, and I hope you agree
Is to split-the-difference
We’ll take half and give you half
Of the Aroostook Wilderness

Chorus:
When they shake
Yes! When they shake
Oh when they shake hands on the deal
The border will
It will be settled
Yes when they shake hands on the deal

Ashburton:
Ah! Webster old boy!
This certainly lightens the load
And gives us the land we need
To build our Halifax road

Webster:
Excellent!
Truly pulchritudinous!
I knew you’d take the hint
Now Ashburton, sign here good man
And ignore all that fine print!

Chorus:
When they shake
Yes! When they shake
Oh when they shake hands on the deal
The border will
It will be settled
Yes when they shake hands on the deal
Ashburton:
Put her there, old man!
Webster: It’s a deal!
<<cheers>>
<<No war!!>>
<<Hooray!!>>
Miriam:
Where is Pasqual?
Pasqual?!
Where is he?
Cn. Lmbrjk 1:
In here, Mademoiselle Eaton...
Track Name: I Love You
Pasqual:
You actually came
Miriam:
Of course, why wouldn’t I?
Pasqual:
Maybe you shouldn’t have come
Miriam:
No, why would you say that?
I’m choosing to be with you.
Forget what my father said.
Pasqual:
I cannot let you stay.
Miriam:
I cannot bear to...
Pasqual: <<winces>> ...oooh
Miriam:
Heh, Sorry...I am here
I choose you over my father’s wealth
Give me hope
That we can live a normal life
From now on
You are all that I want
And all that I need is you
You’re my heart
You’re my soul
I need you
No, please don’t walk away
I love you!
<<Eaton enters>>
Eaton:
Miriam stop! I bear good news!
<<Pasqual winces>> ...oooh
Eaton:
Heh, sorry...
I’ve realized the error of my ways.
I give you my blessing.
Miriam:
Do you mean it?
Eaton
Yes!
Miriam:
Oh thank you Papa!
Pasqual:
What made you change your mind, sir?
Eaton:
I realized the feud was pointless…
Oh, and my daughter’s happiness, er,
I wanted her to be happy...
Pasqual:
Please look into my heart and
Answer this one question
Will you make me happy
And marry me?
Miriam:
Yes I will!
Miriam And Pasqual:
Two worlds have combined now
Two souls are united
One dream has begun
One thing for all time true
I love you
Track Name: All Together
Chorus:
Back together
Cn. Lmbrjks:
Chopping wood and screaming, “Timber!”
Chorus:
Sawing lumber
Am. Lmbrjks:
With the cross cut saws working asunder
Choru:s
Chop! Chop! Crash! Crash! Crash!
That’s the sound we love
Lumberjacking
Chorus:
We’re one of a kind
Cn Lmbrjk 1:
wearing flannel shirts to protect our lovely thighs
Chorus:
Conflict solving
Pasqual:
And no more mama bear maulings
Chorus:
Snort! Snort! Sniff sniff sniff!
Am. Lmbrjk 1:
That’s the smell of pork and beans!
Chorus:
Yummy!
<<all run to partake in pork and beans>>
Chorus:
No more hunger!
Am Lmbrjk :
time to chop wood in overtime
Cn Lmbrjk 2:
each tree is assigned
Am Lmbrjk 3:
a wonderful girl name, so divine
Cn Lmbrjk 1:
Mary Anne!
Am Lmbrjk 1:
Sally!
Cn Lmbrjk 2:
Betty Sue!
Chorus:
Oh what hot babes!
Pair
Let’s saw them!
<<sawing>>
Ashburton:
I’m sorry, did he just say they give the trees women’s names before they hack them down?
Webster:
Maybe the next time before we intervene in an intercene lumberjack conflict, we should take a more longitudinal approach...
Kid:
Longitudinal? Gee mister, are you Noah Webster?
Webster:
Wha...No! Daniel! I’m Daniel Webster!
<<sawing finishes>> <<trees fall>>
Chorus:
Sharpened axes Pair
together we can increase production
Chorus
no more troubles
We got each other’s backs
Cn Lmbrjk 1:
Timber! Look out!
Am Lmbrjk 1:
That man just saved my life! Chorus
Thank goodness!
All together we work
Am Lmbrjk 2:
chopping wood
Cn Lmbrjk 2:
Screaming “Timber!”
Am Lmbrjk 3:
Where are my suspenders?
Chorus:
All together, yelling “Timber!”
All Together, sawing Mary
All together, conflicts solved
All together, we’re together
Lumberjacking together
Always lumberjacking
Saw! Chop! Flex! Yell! Sniff! Crash!
Pasqual:
Timber!
<<exeunt>>